I realized that I have composed lists for my last three blogs. Although I think lists are a wonderful way to organize and I have been known to ask for people's top 5 lists on random topics, next time, I promise to use an alternate form of writing. This could get boring for the readers (if you exist).
I came back to my apartment tonight, after being away for what seems like the whole month of August, with plans to get myself ready for the school year. My graduate classes begin on Tuesday and I will be working on setting up my first grade classroom most of next week, so now is the time. All day, I have been composing mental lists of important things to do to help me be really ready for next week. In my mind, tonight, I was going to: balance checkbook, pay bills, create literacy check off sheet that will allow me to quickly know exactly what skills each of my students have developed and change my life as a teacher, organize all of my important papers from the past few semesters that I want to have as a reference in my classroom this year, and mop my kitchen. [Just so you know, I have yet to learn to break my to do lists into manageable elements. My lists typically represent some type of major life change that I am convinced I can undertake in 2-3 business days.]
For my first two hours at home, I checked in with my favorite websites and decided between seeing a movie at a coffee shop or a sculpture garden this week. Now that it is
Now that I have this blog, I feel like I need to make astute comments on life, find insight in things that seem insignificant, and do all of the other care and feeding required to keep entertained. Well, I have not had many thoughts that are suitable for the blog. I know I began this with fierce dedication to the idea of making my private thoughts public. But, this week, I'm less committed to that idea. I'm sure the tide will shift again. But, for right now, I just don't want to tell anyone anything...kind of. And, because I've been spending q.t. in suburbia, my interactions with interesting events has had a much lower batting average than what i hit each time I step out of my door in my urban area. So, the cat-on-the-subway type blogs have been harder to come by recently.
But, still, I feel a little pressure to perform. So, based on a conversation I had a few weeks ago, I will quickly write about some of the lives I could have had if I had not done things to have my current life. Here is my alternative lives, from easiest to think of to hardest:
*I could still be in DC, working for some youth development nonprofit. I may have move from my little MP basement apartment, found someone to nest with, and finally let myself be one of those inside the Beltway people. I always resisted that when I lived in DC...even though I love the word wonk. [I am not really sure if people call someone a wonk with the affection I feel for the term. So, I'm not sure if this option of being a policy wonk is really a good thing.]
*I could have stayed in
*I could have moved to
Instead, I'm here. I never imagined I'd end up here…and, my new dreams involve certification in ESL and joining a literacy council.
After a brief vacation off the grid, I have returned to my blog.
A few highlights from my time out west:
1. Bagged a fourteener—I was driving, but I’m still going to count it.
2. Decided that if I was pushed to make a decision, I would choose to live in Tinytown as opposed to Mosquito Gulch.
3. Drove to southern CO, with my arm out of the sunshine side window, for 8 hours, which caused an interesting chain of events. First, my left arm became very sunburned from the shoulder to mid-forearm (I was wearing a tank top). Then, when I tried to do a “superman” over and off of an exercise ball, I found I could not really support myself with my arm at the end of the whole sha-bang. I crashed into the floor…repeatedly. Finally, I gave myself a rug burn on my left hip during one of the crashes. Because of this, I was forced to walk around with my pants pulled down a little for the rest of the trip. By the way, one arm is still much darker (for me) than the other.
4. I made some westerners uncomfortable with my east-coast style questioning techniques.
5. Learned that green chilies make food better and that I can eat green chili covered burritos Indian-food style while driving.
6. Remembered I could be still for extended periods of time and really enjoy it. I knit 2.5 scarves. My knitting no longer has wobbly sides or big holes…counting really does make a difference.
7. Spent time with such good friends…I’m lucky to have them in my life.
Now I’m back home and happy to be here, too.
Yesterday, I was in the train station, making my way home, when I saw a woman carrying a very large litter box. It was one of those covered things and it had a handle--making me think it might not really be a litter box, that it was more of a transportation thing. Because this is (somewhat) unusual and I had come up with a few questions about the situation in a few seconds, I was intrigued. I made my way closer and found that she was indeed carrying a litter box. She was also carrying a cat in a canvas shopping bag. It kept sticking its head out of the top of the bag and then, looking horrified by what it saw, ducked back inside the bag. The cat had huge eyes and looked like it was ready to bolt.The woman was walking around as if what she was doing was perfectly normal. I wanted to yell, "There is a cat in that bag!" and was disappointed by the fact that no one else seemed to realize that there was an actual animal, in a bag, on its way to the train. In my world, this is an exciting event and should be commented on with strangers.
The cat in a bag made me thing of the other times I have seen something amusing on the trains and no one around me seems even a little bit closer to a small giggle. Off the top of my head, this list includes: 4 tall, blond men in lederhosen, a man in a very small Speedo (as someone who never wears shorts for fear of what will touch my bare leg on public transportation, I wondered how he scraped himself off the seat..then, hoped I did not sit where he sat), and a performer doing some crazy Lambada with a full size doll attached to his shoes. With each of these small events, I got nothing. Not one shared look with a stranger. No comment on the strangeness of what was passing before us. Nada.
The only time I can get close to the community event I look for is when someone is doing something rude, disgusting, or dangerous. Then, the fellow inhabitants of my fair city are more than willing to make a comment...and, make it loudly.
Today, I had one of those moments where an inane part of pop culture provides much too much insight into life. In the past, I have given pause to the lines of a song, a commercial, and (worse case scenario) a greeting card. This time, it was a television show (watched on DVD). I thought I was turning on the show to set myself up for a half-hour of slightly distracted knitting time. Instead, I was driven to questioning by some stupid line. The offending line was something like: "Am I just looking for someone to run wild with?"
It caused me to wonder about relationships (which I realize are a thing of wonder)...I have been known to think that I should be looking for a relationship with someone I can take care of and can take care of me. I am beginning to think that I may want more. I think that I am looking to find someone who causes me to be the most me I can be...the good, the bad, and all of the stuff in the middle. I don't think that I want to settle for just okay, for comfortable.
This is the reason that I'm no good at casual dating. I'm too much work for myself.
It's time for me to leave the apartment. I have to put a stop to this train of thought.
Now, it is time for me to begin getting ready for my second trip west for the summer. The last time I flew away from home, I had finished teaching the day before and bought shoes for the wedding on the morning of my flight. I had no real supplies for camping, too many shirts, and a travel book that did not suit my mood. This time, because of my current status of a do-not-too-much-er, I can fully prepare. Well, kind of prepare. I have already messed up some plans with friends by mixing up the a.m. and the p.m. on my arrival time and I'm not exactly sure of how I am getting from here to there once I hit the Rockies. Right now, I'm just hoping that the contence of my pack is a little more thought out. As for the arrival stuff, I am putting much credence in the fact that it always works out. So, I'm sure it will all be fine.
My basic plan is to fly in to Denver Tuesday, spend the night in Boulder, and then take off for southern Colorado for a few days. While I'm in the south, I will help out in a kitchen, find hot springs (which is one of my favorite things in the world), and walk around...Buddhist style. [I have already fought (and lost) the urge to make Ohm jokes.] I'm also going to get to visit a small town on the northern border of NM. It is a town my dear dear friend has called home for a long time. I'm sure she and I will find small adventures that will cause others to raise their eyebrows at the fun we will be having-that is our history. I may also get the chance to revisit my slight obsession with ranchers while I'm in NM...for an east coast girl, I have more than my fair share of questions about cows.
All joking aside, I am really looking forward to my time with my friend. We have not spent time together in a long while and wonderful experiences always come to us while we are together. And, I think a reatreat from my world might bring some needed perspective to life.
After seeing what the Buddha has going on, I will again head north. In Boulder, I am going to spy on a life of another good friend for a few days. I'm hoping to get in an indoor soccer match, visit bookstores, eat good food, and discover why he thinks his city is better than my city. We shall see.
I am lucky because I feel my life is filled with so many good people. This weekend, I took a small trip to see a college friend marry a wonderful person. He was so happy. They were so calm. I cried, like I like to, during the ceremony in the marsh. It was wonderful.
The wedding was a wonderful time for so many friends to be together. During college, these people were the ones who I tried out new ideas with (or sometimes on), they supported me as I left childhood behind, and then we all left to do very different things. Somehow, seven years later, we all found ourselves with similar elements to our paths and still able to sit down for conversations where we share our lives with one another.
Similar things happend when I went to Wyoming for a wedding of a DC friend. Over the course of several days in the Tetons, I saw two friends marry one another, alternated between being entertained and being the entertainment, and discussed all that life brings. Those friends let me laugh at myself, as I try to figure out my world.
Now, I am off to my family's home. We will laugh and eat. Then, I'll steal a little sister for a day or two. I like that they are a part of my life. But, I'm late (as usual). I should not keep them waiting any longer.
For the next few days, I will actually be home, with nothing to do. I have 9 days between trips and plan on being a little creative with how I use my time. Well, really I plan to just do what I want to do. After a school year of teaching/graduate school and then a summer of full time student-hood, the state of "nothing that needs to be done" is completely unfamiliar.
Typically, when I have even a little time on my hands, I feel a need to go away. Other than an overnight visit to my family, I will attempt to amuse myself in a small radius of home for a bit. I live in a place where local museums are world-class, I can see movies outside, and there is more to do every night of the week than any one person could do in a year. I need to make this week full, in that good way.
I also want to start doing things that I was not able to do over the school year that are important to me. I want to cook, read, write letters, go to the gym, and have meaningful connections with friends each day. I know these are essential elements of having the life I want to have...and, somehow they all became optional over the course of one very busy year.
