the end to a long week (life, not the nicest side of it)

At 5-ish, when I finally left the school (last teacher there, by the way), I decided to walk home. I like to walk the two miles when I am not completely loving life. It helps me feel calm and I normally have some cheesy "I love the world" moment. It's been a long week and I really need to feel the love again. But, it was not to be. Around the corner from my school, I saw a man peeing while walking. I did not think that this was really possible. Well, I actually never thought about anyone doing that. He was just crossing the street, right in front of me. I wanted to yell at him. But, I was afraid he would interact with me (in any way) and I just kind of ran away.

I can think of four other times I have seen men pee on the street since this summer. I hate it. And, now, I never wear my shoes inside my apartment. Who knows what I have stepped in. By the way, if you visit, I don't require people to take off their shoes...but, it would be nice.

The day had more than one nasty (and unexpected) interaction with bodily fluids. As an elementary school teacher, my tolerance is high. But, today, pushed even me.

Must find something to be less cranky about soon. If I believed in auras, I would guess mine would be the same brown as my student's backpack, after she dropped it in "a puddle" this morning.

Ear plugs, coffee, and hikes

Today, I was on campus, on line to pay for an overpriced wrap, when I saw a man who kind of stood out. With a red zip up sweater over an NYU tee-shirt, I thought he looked like fall. His curly hair sealed the deal (in my world, you should have long hair in the cooler months to insulate). Because I was entering the exhausted phase of my day, I was probably staring at him as I thought about all of this fall stuff. In my prolonged gaze, I realized he was wearing earplugs. I had gone on an earplug hunt when my Dad played at the clam bar and had not expected to be revisited by them again. But, there they were, sticking out of some guy's ears, on line in the food court. These were not normal earplugs. They were multicolored earplugs. He was wearing fashion earplugs. Who knew they existed? I was tempted to ask him why he wore earplugs in public. But, then realized he probably would not hear me and let it go.

The other things that I have realized today are my current status and my current location make it much too hard for me to do two things I love. I need to buy a coffee maker and reestablish myself as an overly zealous coffee drinker. I love coffee, think about coffee, and feel good when I drink it. I have denied myself for too long. My coffee-maker-less status must come to an end. My location problem arises from the fact that I cannot hike easily. As the only person in my school (and most other parts of my life here) that talks about the outdoors, I have been voted the resident expert on hiking. But, I can't really do any of that here; typically, I leave the state to find the wilderness. Now, I am responsible for organizing a trip to somewhere for several colleagues and have no idea of where to bring them. It's much too hard to go outside here and feel like I may be wilting. I need to move to a beautiful place that lets me take good walks in the woods. Any suggestions?

good day teaching (teaching)

Today, things came together for me and my coteacher. I am the special education teacher in a collaborative team teaching classroom. My coteacher has taught for so many years and has completely integrated literacy concepts, classroom management approaches, and first grade scope and sequence into her thoughts that she kind of breaths teaching. She is so aware of everything that I am often amazed that I do not process so much of what I must be looking at when she redirects or corrects. For the past few weeks, I have felt like my instruction is detrimental for my students because that means it is time away from her. Today, I realized she and I are becoming a very good team.

A few moments of interactive writing and a seriously funny first grade joke made me realize all of this.

The children (or boys and girls, as I like to call them) were writing in their journals for the first time. Like the five-year-olds they are, this proved to be a very labor intensive process. Seeing them struggle and realizing that they did not have strategies to call upon created the need for a teachable moment. Although it should have happened before I sent them to write in their journals, I decided to write my own journal entry and model some things. I thought about the things I wanted to write, I sounded words out, I used my word wall to help me spell sight words, and remembered capitals and periods. I could not help myself and pushed two weeks of lessons into hardly any time at all. Then, MJ, my coteacher, took the pen and added to the entry. She highlighted the use of finger spaces. The kids loved it. And, they were so engaged in this lesson that was very far from well planned.

The very funny joke came after Spanish class. [You may have to be five to get it.] MJ picked them up as I tried to type something for the service providers on the computer next to the door. Standing at the door, she told them they would play a trick on me and sneak into the room. 26 children filed past my chair, into their seats, as quietly as they could. Basically, they snorted their way past me. MJ asked me where the class was and I was able to respond with appropriate confusion. When I turned around, the whole class broke into some of the best noise that I have heard in a long time.

I love it when my class can experience joy, like they did today. I love it when they put things together, like they did today. And, I think that MJ and I might complement one another better than I could have imagined, like we did today.

rainy collection of thoughts and progressive political stuff

Because it's one of those days, I feel like it is okay to loosely collect my thoughts. In this blog, paragraph = major thought shift. I will not be taking advantage of the transition sentence.

Roberts could be the Chief Justice on the Supreme Court for a very long time. He is young and he could hold such a unique place in history for the rest of his natural life (or until he retires). As I've read about him, I learn how he has been groomed for a seat on the bench since birth, he has an very unique legal history, and he answers every question the exact right way. I can't figure out if the tension I feel about the situation steams from the fact that the President nominated him and the President has a very bad history of trying to manipulate the Courts or if Roberts is too slippery to be allowed to impact the foreseeable future of our world in this very high profile manner. I really don't know if he is the best or the worst (or something in between) for the job. The NYT called the position of Chief Justice "a boss for an unusually independent group of prima donnas." Maybe no one is really right for the job?

It's raining here. When I lived in Arizona, I remember missing the rain and making a deal to never complain because it was cloudy for the rest of my life. Today's rain is fall rain. And, it's very wet. I forgot the need for all things water proof. Since the summer's humidity subsided, my hair had an 8 day respite and has not try to stand 1.5 feet off my head. Now, it's curling right back up. And, I kind of like it. But, I don't like the fact that my jeans feel like they are wallpapered to my thighs. I'm going to have to peal them off after I go gather my dry laundry (which finally received the attention it deserved).

At school today, I finally felt myself come into my teacher-self. I don't know exactly what happened. But, something shifted. I can give the look and it works (sometimes). And, I got to paint. We made apple star stamps. Did you know today is Johnny Appleseed's birthday? Please do something to celebrate--plant a tree, wear a pot on your head, etc. I do feel some guilt …my first graders did not get to fully experience math because we were having fun.

music (life)

For right now, I'm done with the education policy related blogs of the morning. There is lots to think about there. But, my mind can only wrestle with those thoughts for so long. Right now, I am much simpler.

All afternoon, I hung out at an outdoor oyster bar and listened to my Dad play loud music. The restaurant was on the channel and the weather was perfect. My sisters, mother, brother, 3 aunts, an Ellen, 2 grandmothers, 2 uncles, and other assorted relatives were there. My sisters and I joked (or joshed, as they say) all day. We all were able to enjoy one another's company and be outside. Both sides of my family are huge. Today was just a small slice of family. It's good to be around for things like today.

Growing up around music is a fundamental part of who I am. It's amazing to me that there are people who did not grow up listening to music or knowing people who create it. It's normal to me to listen for playing around a beat, love the sound of a double-kick bass, and secretly know that the toms are to be pulled out when you need to get showy. When I was very little, I used to fall asleep in front of my Dad's bass drum as he practiced. Somehow, there is still something so calming about being around that kind of noise....

The State of the Classroom (teaching)

This morning, I took some time to look at blogs of other teachers, read a little propaganda about NCLB, and scanned some articles about the general state of education. As a country, we are falling further and further behind with each passing year. High stakes testing is being referenced in so many headlines as real insight into the abilities of students. And, there is a first year teacher in New Mexico crying everyday. What is going on?

When I decided to teach, I knew that I was deciding to become a part of something insane. The education system, as a whole, is so misguided. Unfortunately, this reality has a major impact on the reality of my classroom. We conform to systems because we are told to conform. We attempt to teach 180 minutes of literacy curriculum in 45. We go against our instincts because we are told to. And, we must, above all, have wonderful bulletin boards (don't worry if the work is not reflective of the students' ability and makes them cry because they have to do it over so many times to get it perfect).

I told a new teacher that she needs to be Zen about everything. That she will see crazy things happen and she needs to just say okay. I need to take my own advice. I am not in a position to change so much of what I see is wrong. And, if I was in that position, I'm not sure what I would see as the answer. It's more than just my school, district, region, or city. Better systems must exist. Education is failing. So many people are trying. But, education is failing. What should we do?

thoughts of the day and pumpkins (life)

Another wonderful Saturday. Here are a few of the thoughts that have distracted me from my book:
1. I wonder how the bookstore guy,who moved to New Orleans, is. As many of you know, I loved the bookstore guy. We had, what I thought to be, potential for the perfect relationship. Actually, it might have been the perfect relationship. However, we never really spoke more than 3 sentences at a time. He owned a tiny, triangular used bookstore I visited during my lunch hour. I tortured him by asking him to recommend books. But, he did and they were always great. I shared the responsibility to choosing a gift for a friend; I knew I wanted a collection of Rumi poems and told him to order anything he thought was good. I take gift choice seriously. This was big. There was something very concentrated about our interactions. I hope he is okay. I don't know his name. But, I know he moved to 28 Prayer Street. I wonder what would have happened if I was more open to more with him.
2. I wonder if I am still the kind of person who misses opportunities. So few times and places have been perfect for me. What if I do not take advantage of them enough? What if this is not where I am meant to be? Do I even believe in meant to be?
3. What is the difference between stability and stagnation? I think I might actually be a fan of having that kind of life where you require others, where you cease to be mostly separate and become mostly a unit. Is this a good thing?

As for the pumpkins...
A. I saw a clear, plastic pumpkin being pulled down the road by two horses today. A man in silver sparkle pants was driving it, while standing on a little platform, and a woman in a robe that kind of looked like a cross between my professors robes they wore at graduation and a choir robe was sitting beside him. I expected her to start singing. Inside the pumpkin, sat a bride and groom. My roommate commented on the fact that they did not look very happy at the same time I thought if they were mad about how much it cost for them to rent the pumpkin, in relations to the low level of fun the ride ended up being. Why do people do things like that to themselves because it is their wedding? On our walk home from the store, I decided that if I get married, I'm going to have a Thanksgiving wedding because I love Thanksgiving and turkey. Then, I can avoid the fate of the pumpkin bride.
B. My mother trained all of us to say pun-kin instead of pumpkin. Little things like that are one of the treats of being a parent. At 24, my brother still says pun-kin. I love to hear that word come out of the mouth of someone that looks like my brother.
C. There was one of those giant blow up, lawn decorations at the store. It was a pumpkin and it had a 3 foot ghost that rose out of the middle. I don't know how I feel about those decorations.

That's it. Now it's time for me to watch a movie about a man who attaches balloons to his chair and changes his life.

mystery solved and trees (teaching and school)

Today, I learned why I never knew about the supply closet. It's a conspieracy. Those in charge don't advertise the fact that supplies exist for use of the people working/learning in the building. And, I learned that sometimes the pencils in storage get dry rot and the paper turns yellow. Now, I am more dedicated to the idea of getting into the actual space where the supplies are stored. There could be 30 year old fastners for the taking...although, they are probably a safety hazard for many reasons. That does nothing to deminish my desire for them to move into my closet.

Why am I so facinated by supplies? My heart does beat a little faster when I am in Staples and I always have loved the whole process of getting ready for school and buying new school stuff. But, is this really worth two blogs? Actually, three--I plan on blogging when I find the elusive closet.

The trees in the title are due to the fact that I spent almost an hour walking around my college campus categorizing trees for graduate school. I actually loved it. It was a science field trip with a real science teacher. I love science teachers. My friend, the science teacher, will attest to the fact that I make her describe everything, in scientific terms, as we hike. Actually, I enjoy a good friendly lecture about anything. It's just a bonus when it's scientific.

just so you know

I've created a situation where I need to wake up at 5 a.m. to finish stupid papers. They are 4 little science article reviews and they are almost done. I just can't do any more tonight. Also, my clean laundry supply can be categorized as slim-pickins. What do I do with my time?

I have a supply cloest (teaching)

Everything I wrote about being a second year teacher and knowing what is going on was an overstatement. Today, I found out that there is actually a way for me to request supplies at my school. I went an entire year without knowing that this mystical place existed. In fact, I told all of the first year teachers that they should provide their own office supplies because I did that last year. I don't know where the supply closet is in the building. I am not sure if I will actually get anything. But, I have requested some stuff. Right now, I have the following things on my supply list: tape, teacher scissors, staples, and dry erase markers.

I thought a supply closet for teachers was an urban myth or a thing that could only be found in suburban districts. Now, I have my own. This year, I am going to make my way into that closet (once I find it). I want to see office supply heaven and figure out what else I can request. There are probably things I didn't even know I needed in there.

Weekend events (life)

Saturday, I avoided most movement prior to 5:30 and then made myself go out of the house for some forced fun. On Sunday, I ran with someone I used to know, visited a neighborhood called DUMBO, walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, tidied up, fixed my lesson planning, and got an idea for some holiday gifts I want to make for my friends (sewing stuff inspired by my favorite tattoo design). I like when my days are like Sunday. I wish I could do away with the whole recovery period. I should start drinking a lot of coffee again. This was a bad time to break my coffee pot.

I did get to hear an oom-pa band and make a list of 21 things I'd like to have in a partner when I went out on Saturday night. I thought my list was going to stop at my traditional three (lots of CDs, I forget #2, and makes me laugh)...but, I surprised myself. Some of the highlights are: can pick the best spot to place a tent, likes dogs more than cats, makes me laugh 1 + times an hour, at ease in most social situations, and encourages me to be brave.

I have not decided if this is a negotiable or nonnegotiable list. It proved to work at driving two guys away who did not pass the "doesn't ask me to define words I use in daily conversation" criteria. So, we will have to see.

I went to sleep at 7:30 yesterday (teaching and life)

First grade (and my new hobby, insomnia) has me so tired that my body finally crashed at 7:30 last night. It was a coma-like sleep. I woke up several times, looked at the clock, and went right back to sleep. I am still a little sleepy. But, with some very slow movement, I should be able to do something today.

In the few hours leading up to my ridiculously early bedtime, my only topic of conversation was how tired I have been lately. I told my roommate about a recent walk I took from the subway to my apartment after a 12 hour day at school. I saw a 10-year-old boy, riding a bmx with pegs on the back, and seriously considered giving him five bucks to ride me home. It was only thoughts of the possible tabloid headlines that made me reconsider.

Oh, I forgot (life)

While ushering major life shifts into my own reality on a regular basis, I really am resistant to change. For me, change is like taking vitamins; I do it because I know it's good for me. I'm in the midst of major change once again.

The crankiness of the prior blog can mostly be blamed on the whole change thing...and, the heat...and, some close up time with minor medical technology.

Hot and sticky (life)

Today, it was about 90 degrees in my classroom and I am on the air conditioned side of the building. My apartment somehow has my classroom bested. It is so muggy that I can barely think. I am ready for fall. I am meant to live in the fall all year long. Well, I'll take a little spring...but, not when it starts to be summer-like. In my mind, the start of school equals sweaters and jeans. Because of the freekin heat-index, I was forced to push the envelope of professionalism.

So, why blog about the heat? It's weather. I'm breaking one of my few personal rules (don't complain about things that cannot be changed through complaining). I think I'm cranky. My first full week of school has been far from what I want my second year of teaching to entail. I am frustrated with my teaching abilities. I am overwhelmed by the curriculum. I have slept 6 hours a night for the past several days (not enough). And, I have not had any time to do the things that I said I would do to be a healthy person--no gym, no cooking, no time to just be still. I cannot get enough time in my day. I know I could just try to wake up earlier. But, because I kind of hate the morning, I don't want to set an alarm earlier than its current 5:45 a.m. It seems cruel. I can only hope to have a better understanding of my new world for week 2 and, therefore, will be less cranky. I hate it when I'm cranky.

sisters and doctors (life)

Several weeks ago, I felt more afraid than I had felt in years. I woke up in the middle of the night in pain because my body was so tense. It was the night before my sister went to the hospital for her surgery and I was unable to seperate myself from the fear I felt. I cannot remember the last time I felt so alone, so far from my logical self.

Then, today, I saw something that made all of that melt. She can move her fingers in ways that she was never able to before. She tries to explain the feeling of being able to move her fingers because she thinks about it and I can see that she cannot fully express herself. And, I am so happy.

I saw her doctor express true joy at her new found abilities. I can see her slowly understanding what her new thumb will mean to her life. All of this on what I thought would be a normal Monday night. Like my sister, I feel like my words do this no justice.

sleepy and happy

At this moment, I am completely enjoying the weekend. I had my typical breakfast (oatmeal and coffee) and am now preparing to do a little something in a while. No rushing. No place to be...and, a general list of things I need to do. Weekends mean something else when you are not working very much; they are not that different than your daily life so they loose the little joy that the uniqueness of resting brings. But, after a few 12-hour days, there really is nothing like a weekend.

This week has been a little intense. Teaching first grade is as physically and mentally demanding as kindergarten. I am so happy to be around my students again and am acutely aware of how I need to refine my approach to each moment. Not that there has been any big issues...but, I want to be (and can be) more patient, more caring, more focused, more joyful, more intentional. My students deserve me to be the best I can be.

I'm excited to find this year's new routine. It will help everything.

The kids are here and all I can think about is the White Stripes

Today was my first day with my students. I think that the year will be wonderful. I am still trying to figure out what I am going to teach in first grade (scope of my curriculums and how to integrate what seems like a 42 subjects into each day). But, I really cannot give as much brain power as I would like to this task right now. I am currently operating on much less sleep than I normally need (5 hours last night, not many more the night before). So, now, instead of thinking about teaching, I am thinking about how much I want the new White Stripes CD and wondering if Jack White is as much of a musical genius as I think he is.

The good news is the second first day of school is 100 times easier than the first first day of school, one of the fathers in my class works for Home Depot and my class will get to go there on a trip! Oh, and I built the tallest structure in my graduate class tonight, using straws and paperclips, and won cookies. I love cookies.

tomorrow

it begins.

Visitors and the first day of school (life and a little teaching)

I woke up in a mildly pleasant mood today. I was able to do a few of my favorite things (listen to the radio for 2 hours before actually getting out of bed, eat oatmeal and drink coffee while reading, and do some straightening of my apartment) all before 9 a.m. Knowing that this was going to be my last leisurely breakfast of the summer, I was really enjoying everything. Then, just as I was about to go to the laundromat, I checked my email. Now, I am mildly extatic.

My dear friend emailed me last night to let me know she is here--I'm going to get to see her! I have never been the type of person to pull off a surprise trip. I get to excited and have to tell the people I am visiting. But, now that I know how happy a surprise visit can make a person, I may try to pull one off at some point in my life. I can't wait to see her.

Another thing of note is that today is officially my last day as a first year teacher. Tomorrow begins two days of conferences and then my students arrive on Thursday. I have been waking up thinking about things I am going to say to my little guys and the other students in the school. Teaching gives me space to be a bit of a dork sometimes. I'm sure that a fifth grader, who is always in trouble, will be a little confused when I ask him what good things I will hear about him this year. But, I'm going to ask him. And, I'll get to refer to myself in the third person again. For some reason, I did that all of the time last year. It's a little strange...but, it worked

school & life (school & life)

Today, I spent many hours getting my classroom ready for the first graders. It was my fourth day leveling my library (much like matching approximately 900 pairs of socks, for those of you who don't know what that means) and trying not to freak out over the fact that I have no idea what I will actually be teaching on Thursday. I do not have any curriculum nor do I know which curriculum I will be using during the school year. I think I may have nightmares about miseducation until the first day of school.

As I was preparing my classroom, I also thought about the world I am a part of and what it means to educate children now. Last year, my kindergarteners talked about the war and the tsunami. They worried for their families and I had no way to make them feel less confused. I tried to make them feel safe in the classroom...something I do because I think it is essential. However, I am pretty sure the children in my school literally watched the Twin Towers fall through our school windows. Sometimes, I am very aware of how conflicted I feel.

The bombings in London's subways and on the streets of Iraq have caused me fear. The destruction of life in Louisiana is more than I can comprehend. And, there are so many other things I read about (or, don't even hear about) that do not make sense. What does this mean to someone who will be 6 on their next birthday?

To be a teacher, right now (and probably always), means creating some type of appropriate space for the children to discuss their world and help them figure out how to have a positive impact their world. On Thursday, I think that I must listen to my students' observations of what they have seen. That is the only way I know to help them figure out what it is that they need, right now.