only in NY (life)

In my desperate effort to hold on to this whole vacation way of life,
I went out tonight. Normally, doing things on a school night is not
even a consideration. It makes me tired and cranky, then I'm not as
nice as I think I should be the next day and I feel horrid. But, I've
been on vacation long enough to forget that vicious cycle. And, there
was a documentary on the Dean campaign at a local cinema/bar. So, I
put on 48 layers and braved the very cold wind to see what that was
all about.

Well, the documentary was all about the volunteers, the grassroots
effort, the idealism.
After the film was shown, the organizers said we had a few minutes for
questions and answers before the next group had to use the space. As
the director spoke, my attention was drawn to the stream of women kept
going behind a curtain on the side of the stage. Turns out that the
group replacing the aging hippies, old school lefties, and young
idealist was a burlesque show. I felt like I was in a set up for one
of those jokes about a politician and a stripper in a bar. It was
great.

dreaming of iPods (life)

One more thing. Last night, I had a dream about my iPod. While I was out last night, I became overly animated with my discription of how the world wide web is an actual web. This week, I decided that my thesis topic is going to be something about technology and education. And, I'm very upset that my new issue of Wired has not come to my house. When did this happen?

Change (life)

I finished Everything is Illuminated, by Jonathan Safran Foer this morning. His words made me question the change I have had in my life (which may or may not have been one of his intentions when he set out to become a writer; but, that's a topic for another blog).

My change of choice is ususally location. I move. I have reguarly moved to new neighboroods, cities and states. I think about moving every time something makes me feel like things are just not right. It's like my hobby-the search for a personal utopia.

In my quest for the perfect place, it is possible that I may have missed the other types of change I should be making. Maybe I missed the opportunity for change offered by others. Maybe I missed the change of complete recreation.

But, maybe my comfort with my own charachter flaws and lack of awarness of doing what others want me to do makes all of that type of change not my kind of change.

Gilmore Boys (life)

At this moment, my roommate is talking with my brother to get an update on the current season of the Gilmore Girls. Well, she is actually talking to most of my family trying to get an update on the story. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Yesterday, due to mitigating circumstances, I was forced to stay inside all day. My sisters had just spent a few days with me (they are dedicated GG's viewers) and they lent me their season 5 box set. So, my roommate and I watched 17 episodes yesterday and finished them up today. [I felt kind of nasty because of watching so much TV...but, that's the price you pay for quality Gilmore Girls/staying within a small radius of the house]. Of course, the season ended with a cliffhanger.

As soon as it was over, I was faced with a somewhat forceful demand to call my family. She called and my brother answered the phone. Both sisters are out (not watching TV, I assume) and my roommate proceeded to ask my brother all of the questions she had about what was going on with the Gilmore Girls. With a little bit of help, my 25-year-old brother was able to answer all of her questions. This was all hysterical to me. Somehow, we got to have a bonus discussion of my brother phase of running outside to pee when he was little. Pure comedy, man.

The whole situation also made me re-realize something about my brother. As a result of having 3 sisters, my brother has unusual skills; he can braid hair, he knows how to defer to sisters for major dressing events, and, unknown to me, he has a working knowledge of the Gilmore Girls major plot lines.

Embarrassed by the multiple hours of viewing, my roommate told my brother that the only my family could know what we had done in the past two days...however, this is not really a good deal knowing that my family consists of 52 people, all of who like to bring things up.

Up too late...(life)

Typically, I am a champion sleeper. Well, in the past, I have been a champion sleeper. I have a true appreciation for all the goodness eight hours of sleep can bring to a person's life. I love the feeling you get when you wake up after you hit the sweet spot in your sleep cycle. But, all of this has changed in recent years.

During my first year of teaching, for reasons I don't want to admit to here, I had to give up sleep. Well, I would give up sleep for a while and then sometimes go to bed by 8:45 due to exhaustion. I created these situations where waking up at 4:00 a.m. was the only way to do everything I had to do more times than I care to remember. Now, in the second year of my lifestyle change, it is the late nights I get to see regularly. I'm regularly amazed that I am awake at such-and-such and hour.

At this moment, it is almost last year's wake up time and I am not sleeping. I should be having dreams I will not remember or doing some fancy sleep dance. But, I'm awake...updating my iPod. So, I guess all is not lost.

Am I allergic to life? (life/teaching)

Again, I have been faced with my own medical version of a mash-up. While not nearly as entertaining as a musical mash-up, my own version has given me reason to stop and listen. Unfortunately, the listening has been more internalized...along the line of "Why do I keep getting so sick that I need to sleep for 24 hours straight?" and, "Is my lifestyle making me sick or is my sick making my lifestyle?"

I'm sure I'll find the answer soon.

On a happier note, taking to my bed has given me the time to get to know my iBook a little better. I have created a slide presentation of my students' celebration of Chinese New Year, enjoyed the beauty of watching a DVD from the comfort of my bed, and I have come across some others who think that mac-ing up the literacy experience is the way to go. As a good friend of mine has recently said, "Hey, that was my idea!"...but, I just thought about it; they did something. I plan on using their inspiration and my new iPod to get on that bandwagon and clarify pronoun usage and develop fluency while reading with my students.

Me as a student (life/teaching)

Tonight, my professor helped everyone in the class understand the fact that some students have need for distraction by putting my notebook up on the overhead projector. My lines of hearts and squiggles were his example of how someone with ADD can focus better when they have something occupying their energy. I thanked him for his diagnosis and then hid my head in shame.

I hate NY

I had made plans to completely enjoy myself and my city today. I was
going to go to a dance workshop, meet a friend for shopping in Union
Square, and then head off to EMS to learn to use a compass
effectively. Besides the slight panic I caused for myself by accidentally staying at my parents last night,
coming back home too late, and being an hour late, I had a great
morning. I moved my body around in a class taught by professional
dancers. [They were amazing, by the way.] Then, I had vegan tomato soup
and hummus for lunch with a friend.

So what, you might ask, makes me hate NY? Well, I was so excited to
EMS-up my skills so I would not always have to be prep chef to
other people's head chef when I am in the wilderness. Then, the punky
guy assumed that I was one of those people who only existed where
there are subway lines. In response to his words, I flashed my
outdoor-cred in a desperate way; I talked about my time above the
treeline in Denali. As soon as it was out of my mouth, I felt cheep. I ran out of the store cranky.

It did not help that the promised blizzard of 2006 was only chunky
rain while I was out. I was hoping for one of those snow covered moments
that I love so much to change my view on the world.

Now, I'm stuck inside, dwelling on the fact that my membership to the
"I love camping" club makes me a minority in the land where everyone
else seems to be a part of a group. Ah, New York.

I'm over it

So, I'm over my self. It might have had something to do with the fact that I engaged in many hours of writing with my students today. I found myself sticking out my tongue so you could see the "th" fly, blending and stretching like it was my job (which it is, by the way) and saying, "is that what you are trying to say?" over and over again. When you are six (and five and seven and twenty-nine), writing is a physical process. You break pencils because you are pressing down so hard. You spit because you are sounding something out. You use both hands almost all of the time. And, you fidget....you fidget a lot. I think one of my students walked a mile per page. Most of that mile was in the three square feet around his desk. My over developed sense of empathy makes their writing process almost as grueling for me as it is for them. I literally feel as if I have run many miles or talked for too long today. But, it was worth it; my students can do so much more now than they could do last year. I am about to take some time to examine their writing, use all of my training in literacy development, and figure out the next thing to do to teach them the next step.

The other thing that is making me happy is the fact that I have 24 sets of chopsticks in my purse right now. Tomorrow we are concluding our unofficial unit on Chinese Culture and we are celebrating by going to see Chinese folk dancers preform and eating bamboo with chopsticks. I'm very excited.

Overly Pessimistic View on the World

Setting: I have just returned home from my official approach to Tuesday. I left for school (of the elementary variety) at 7, taught for my new school day (8:10-2:25 for all of the students and then small group writing instruction from 2:25 to 3:07.5) and then left my P.S. for school (of the university variety). I had two classes (4:30-9) and am now examining the themes of the day.

Today, I have been faced with some of the aspects of my world that I try not to look at that often; those parts of every life that make less sense than you would like. I have a true sense of frustration with the education system I am a part of on a daily basis. Perhaps attending a meeting with my local union representative, being faced with the fact that my students, their families, and the teachers around me are not will supported by the powers that be, and that the overwhelming reality for everyone engaged in the educational system is misguided. Everything I talked about in both classes focused on the fact that there are historical injustices dictating what happens each day in my classroom. The people around me wondered in the extra time in school was going to help the students learn more than they had been learning when the day was dedicated to whole group instruction.

I don't really feel like I'm capturing my thoughts. I'm complaining. Who wants to read my complaints? I don't even want to read my complaints. I just feel like the system I am a part of might make it impossible for me to reach my potential as a teacher. But, I'm not sure if my typical geographic solution to a problem is a smart approach or running from the inevitable. I don't want to burn out, be part of the 50% of teachers that do not make it to their fifth year. I love teaching. I love the time I get to spend with my students and watching them learn is amazing. I guess I'm just going to have to start ignoring things, find a sense of humor about things and/or sleep more.

dance bulgarian (life/teaching)

Who knew that dancing Bulgarian style would be the perfect response to
unreasonable situations in a school? If the people you work with
respond poorly to situations where children are being set up for
failure, please find your local Bulgarian Social Club and dance the
night away.