Gross Personal Happiness (life)

I have a bit of a problem with plans. All of my plans are penciled in; well, all personal plans. I have obligations to work and school which are non-negotiables. But, my own stuff is all flexible. I do not always do anything. I take life as it comes and feel like it will all work out. But, some of those things that are not fun to do (laundry, grocery shop, go the gym) are easily displaced by last minute plans with family and friends, or knitting, or a good article, or a walk.

In theory, I think I would be so happy if I had something regular in my life. How nice would it be if I knew that it was Sunday and that means I am going to go to the gym, pay my bills, and then make a big dinner. But, instead, I've decided to finish a hat, blog, and finally get to see my friend.

That second list looks much better than the first. I like the unexpected. But, I don't know if I'm always making the wise decision about how I spend my time. In fact, I may be cultivating chaos. I live in a place where doing the little things in life take highly orchestrated efforts. When I leave my apartment, I need to bring provisions for any number of scenarios which may arrive. Then, I need to have a strong mental list that is plotted out among subway lines/walkable resources. In the end, I feel frenzied and realized I forgot the most important thing and I will not be by the only place to buy good fruit again for a week and a half. I need an alternative.

In Buthan, the country takes an somewhat militant approach to happiness. They measure it, outlaw things that will diminish happiness (like plastic bags and international wrestling), and replace traffic lights with humans because it makes people feel better. I don't think I can take that level of approach. But, I feel as if I could learn something from the people of the Kingdom of Bhutan. I need to decide to make this simpler every once in a while.

a few more pictures (life)

Now that I have my computer back, I can share some of the things I've been seeing around town.






Glitter lobster, flowering buildings and pretty purple things...I love the spring.

I did this (life)

I've been practicing knitting for quite some time now. I recently moved past scarf. I'm making hats, baby hats to be exact. There are going to be five new babies in my life within the year and they can't wear scarves. So, here it is. My first hat:

teaching time (teaching)

It is one of those times when I feel like I cannot do all I am
required to do as a teacher. The overwhelming paperwork is getting
much of my attention at the moment. But, the worst part is that the
end of the year is coming and I don't know if I have done enough for
my students. So many moments were wasted, opportunities missed, and
confusion prevailed. I only have 40 days left with them...how much
more will I be able to do?

Children's March (teaching)

Today, I learned about a truly amazing part of the history of our country. I watched a documentary called the Children's March, produced by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

In 1963, thousands of children marched in Birmingham for their freedom. They marched because their parents feared for their lives. They marched in the face of danger because, as one woman said, to be born black in Alabama meant you were never free from danger. They were told not to by many (their parents, Dr. King, other leaders). But, they did. They jumped out of their school windows to gather in a church in downtown Birmingham. The gathered at the same church 4 little girls were killed in a few months later. They gathered knowing they would be arrested.













High school students stood next to eight-year-olds as fire hoses and dogs were turned on them. A four-year-old was one of the thousands of children put into the jails. So many children faced harm in effort to change their world.

As I watched and learned, I realized I had never heard this story. I knew small bits. I had seen the images of the fire hoses. But I never knew the hoses were turned on children. And, I never knew the same children showed up the next day in bathing suits...courage mixed with actions only a child would take. I knew there was a church that was bombed. But, I did not know that same church was targeted because it was the place were actual steps were taken to bring Birmingham to it's knees. I never saw the pictures of children singing in the jails and huddled in the animal pens that acted as de facto prisons.

None of these things had ever been woven together to show me the whole story. I have grown up learning about the Civil Rights Movement...this was an overwhelming hole. I am reminded that to teach I need to be a student.

I almost forgot to tell you (life)

My iBook is on it's way home. It is coming back to me.  My life will return to it's mac-y goodness.

titleless (life)

I've recently been on a rash of dates. As reaction, I've been mentally composing blogs with bad titles (the worst being "what men want"). I have been a little confused, a little surprised, and much more caught up in looking cute than I normally am on a Sunday evening. I can be a little insecure when it comes to the whole dating thing. Sometimes, I don't connect to people and feel bad. Other times, I get caught up and then I hope.

Then, in a moment of quiet, I realized I was focused on all of the stuff I try to avoid in my life--questioning the things I do, over analyzing, not enjoying moments for they are. I am going on dates. I am not facing the firing squad. I could meet someone I like.

When I allow myself to be motivated by fear, I don't like what happens. When I just go ahead and do what I want to do, I am normally pretty happy with the results.

MTA Idol (life)

I spent quite a bit of time on the subway this week. For the first time in a long time, it made sense for me to get a weekly unlimited pass rather than putting $20 on a MetroCard. I used the networks of tunnels to get me from here to there.

I enjoy hearing the music of truly talented people who populate the stations. I enjoy thinking about the construction and interweaving of tunnels that hold life blow ground. I don't even mind waiting as an R, then a G, and then a V pass before your train arrives (unless there is a distinct farm animal smell that seems to be ever present these days or I am very tired).

Last nights ride home held something I have been noticing quite a bit these days. Out of nowhere, people begin to sing. The sing a few notes and then continue on with their conversation. They sing a toned down version of what I like to think of as a Star Search flourish. It's slightly Mariah Carey...but, without the octave range. Although I have never actually sat through an entire show, I blame American Idol.

iBook update, plumbing, and the backwaters of Kerala (life)

Quick little updates whilst my coffee brews:
la iBook...c'est mort. Well, it's dead to me, for now (I can't say that in French because I never studied hard enough to say anything but the most basic stuff). Apple has it somewhere, waiting for something. Some kind of all points bulletin was put out for my parts. But, so far, nothing. What's a girl to do?

Sprio came and fixed my toilet at 5 in the afternoon. After some crazy mechanical sounds poured out of my bathroom, he said it was fixed. And, well, he did replace the pipe that snapped off in my hands and put in a new blue thing. But, that blue thing is too big for my old-school toilet. Ye olde toilet ran all day and all night. I had to dive in to the tank and push the blue thing over the hole to make it stop this morning. Now, I guess Spiro must return. But, I'm not calling anyone until tonight. My poor out-of-state visitor had to wait with me in my apartment all day. We tried to use our inside-time well by creating little art. But, she can do that anywhere. She cannot do NYC stuff anywhere. I don't want that to happen again. I'm working against Greek Easter, though. It might not be possible for me to get anything done soon. I'm pretty sure everyone involved (except me, of course) will be busy spinning baby goats on their spits.

Kerala seems like the best place to go this summer. For a short while, we had decided on the Himalayan region (Calcutta, Darjeeling, etc). But, after reading a somewhat terrifying depiction of their monsoons as sheets of cold rain that never end, we decided that might not be the best place to go. Turns out Kerala is actually a suggested destination to visit India in the summer. We can go on backwater tours, visit the hugging mother, check out some Ayurvedic treatments and enjoy the warm gentle rain that is unique to this part of southern India. I'm so excited.

toilets and cross cultural experiance(life)

This morning, showing off some of my plumbing skills, I attempted to fix my toilet. It seemed to me that the chain had slipped off of the flush valve. I lifted the lid off of the tank and attempted to jiggle the stuff around (which is actually the vast majority of my previously mentioned plumbing skills) and a pipe came off in my hands.

I called my Greek landlord and told him what happened. He assured me that he would call me back soon. I looked at the friend I have in from out-of-town and had to break the news that our plans needed to change--I needed to stay in the area to be on call for the plumber.

We waited all day. I realized my landlord and I have never been able to really understand one another over the phone. I called him back and he assured me he had left a message for the plumber. We waited. We walked. We found a meat market with multi-lingual butchers. We ate fresh biscotti. We wandered through an Egyptian and Moroccan grocery in search of Bengali flour (which we did not find). And, then my landlord called. I was a 30 minute walk from my house and he said the plumber would be there in 15 minutes. When my landlord said the plumber would look and probably fix my toilet tomorrow, I realized had never actually told my landlord that I thought the toilet was not currently able to perform it's toilet-y duties. And, then practically ran home.

When I arrived, Spiro was waiting. He came up and looked, told me that the toilet is old and would have broken soon any way, and said he would call tomorrow to let me know when he could fit me in. Not such good news when you had plans on showing a friend around the city. But, as he said, that is always the way. And, then he told me how I can flush the toilet in it's current state.

The good news is I get to spend all of this waiting time with a friend tomorrow. And, tonight's dinner will be the dry sausage the Eastern European butcher gave my friend and me for free.

vacation (life)

I am currently enjoying my second day of vacation. So far, it has been devoid of many things I often associate with my life--interaction, movement, um...personal maintenance. Wonderful and horrible. I think I am wired to need these days. Normally, I am a fan of interacting with my world. Every few weeks, however, I seem to need a break. So, I took one.

I think it's almost over. I have turned off the television and put on music. I am hydrating. I am planning to take a shower which is followed by hair brushing. [Yesterday's shower did not involve the hair brushing part. I am now sporting hair that makes me look like a Jersey girl and adds a few inches to my 5 foot 7 self.]

All of this alone time has given me the chance to think about some things. First of all, I am hardly ever alone anymore. I lived on my own for four years and had all sorts of alone time rituals. Now, I have rediscovered the joy of having people around all of the time and I have kind of forgotten how to keep myself entertained. I also forgot the slight panic I can feel when I am alone in an apartment at night. There were some major boogy-man thoughts and "what was that?" moments last night. But, I made it through and my dear friend is flying in tonight. So, that problem should solve itself.

Since my friend is coming into town, I've been doing a little research on the things I want to do while she is here. Some of the highlights include a 40 foot grass slope (which you can roll down) at a gallery in Soho, a multi-media exhibit on plants and fungi, and a circuit bending festival.

I want our week to be filled with good things--food, sites, events. But, I also want to show her my favorites: the park, the walks, the tiny little shop with the best coffee...my world. When she showed me her world, she showed me beautiful hikes, community, and an idea of what life in northern NM looks like. I want her to get to see the context of my life. It makes things better when you are so far apart.

News of the weird (teaching)

Last year, a friend said that I was not a fan of anything I had to turn on. She was right. I had successfully hooked up a computer in my past. But, that was about it. Now, I'm a little preoccupied with technology and I guess it shows.

Yesterday, I was talking with the secretary in my school about the school's network. She was searching on her computer for a file she was pretty sure she did not have. The principal thought she did not have it on her computer. The secretary said that the misplaced file issue was always a problem. I asked if they were networked (which I knew they were because they all have access to the same program for student information) and if they had a shared drive or an F: drive. When I explained what that was, the secretary sent me in to the principal to explain the wonders of a shared drive. The principal reacted by offering me the computer teacher job in two years.

Anyone who has worked in a somewhat efficient office has used a shared drive. This information in a school means I'm viewed as a technological genius. Considering the fact that I have a highly evolved network of people I go to the moment I hit a technological glitch (friend from VT, friend from CA, my little sister), this label seems so ironic. I feel like my skills with the shared drive and my revolutionary idea that the principal, APs and head custodian have BlackBerrys makes me a thoughtful office manager not a computer teacher.

But, I would love to have two cart loads of iBooks at my fingertips. And, I want to write a masters thesis on technology as a learning tool for students in special education. So, maybe it is not so ironic after all.

post-script (iBook and teaching)

My insomnia of last night has caused me to barely function today. I never suggest that anyone walk into a classroom filled with small children on less than 9 hours of sleep. You will not be at the top of your game.

I am currently struggling with the fact that some of the situations in the class today were caused by my less than optimum functioning. However, the people who come into my class always comment on the fact that they are a needy bunch. I have taught for two years. Each of those years has been with the same class. There is a part of me that feels like the mix of students causes some situations to be what they are, as opposed to me creating the environment which causes the situations. But, really who is to say.

The other thing making me cranky is the money I am about to shell out to pay for my cracked LCD screen. I want my computer back. So, I have to pay what equals the price of a desktop to fix a problem I am pretty sure I did not create. But, that's not what the folks at Apple say. I am wedged right here between the proverbial rock and hard place. If you could see me now, you would probably see my sad face. I'm going to have to have some Taco Bell to make things right.

Insomnia (life/teaching)

I had a lot of coffee yesterday. Sometimes, I pretend that coffee has not impact on my life other than providing goodness. And, there are days when a good cup of coffee is that warm thing I need to drift off to sleep. But, today is not one of those days.

Yesterday, I over-caffeinated in the morning in attempts to achieve a chatty version of myself. Then, I had 2 cups of tea at brunch. Then, I had a medium (which is sometimes referred to as a grande) post-brunch. Then, an esspresso based small after I got off the subway for my walk to my Queens park.

Now, I'm awake. I've been awake since 1 a.m. I have to wake up in a few hours and go teach small children. I am pretty sure I will not be operating at my ideal level. In fact, I am pretty sure I will fall asleep an hour and a half before my alarm is set to wake me up. Then, I will have to force myself out of bed, mid-REM cycle. Finally, I will be incoherent for any point prior to ingesting more coffee. It's a vicious cycle.

It appears I'm not the only one awake at the moment. The people who live downstairs are opening doors and talking and some suped-up speed racer is zooming past my window. I normally sleep like a champion. Once I'm out, there is normally no waking me. In a somewhat adolescent view, I kind of think that everyone else must be asleep while I'm asleep. I wonder if my neighbors are always up at 3. I wish that there was a reason I could go talk to them right now. When I'm up in the middle of the night, I like to talk. But, that would push the limits on good neighborly interactions.

7.224933529319764 miles

I had my brunch date today. I ate hummus, I talked about an international life, and reminded myself of who I can be on a date. After brunch, I went to Central Park with my roommate and then met up with friends close to home. I used public transportation between boroughs. But, mostly I walked. Within Manhattan, I walked 7.224933529319764 miles (as measured by Gmaps Pedometer). Once back in Queens, I walked an additional 3 miles to and from the subway, via a stop at my coffee place and my local park . Gmaps Pedometer is a good time. Maybe I'll try to make this a part of every date I go on in the near future.

Brooklyn (life)

I'm on my way out for a birthday party of a friend of a friend. I enjoy choosing a sound track to help me get ready. Tonight, it is the Pixies. Over the past year and a half, I've become a big fan. They have just the right combination of songs that tell a story and songs that are practically incoherent. And, there is a lot of yelling. I like the yelling. They have a new movie coming out, which I'm going to try to catch at the Tribeca Film Festival. There are some moments when I feel like my life has the potential of being very NYC.

Now, my mind is swimming with thoughts of other things, too numerous to address in the time I have before I leave for Brooklyn.

part 2 (life)

By the way, the attack of the roommate reference was me. I am subjecting my roommate to an unadulterated form of myself tonight. She is in for a treat.

attack of the roommate (life)

Today is pure goodness. I have walked home to my own personal sound track. I have kickboxed my way to fitness (with a minor muscle injury in the first 5 minutes of the class...but that's beside the point). I have listened to Instant Pleasure on repeat. And, now, my holiday grab-bag gin (those of you in the know, realize I am talking about ye olde yank and spank) has been cracked open. And, I have a date for Sunday. Fun.

Friends (life)

After I finished a surprisingly extensive midterm exam, I used my time to call a friend. He and I have been friends for years (11, to be exact). It has given him time to figure out the patterns to my existance. I have a surprsingly high level of disclosure with this man. He has seen throguh my normal methods of diversion (the comedy routine, the question to answer a question, etc). Now, he knows things that are not even suitable for the blog.

After that conversation, an email exchange with ladies I love from inside the beltway (mentally or physically), and a recap of the day with the roommmate. It made me think about the people in my life. I have these amazing friends--people who bring so much to my life, people who are unique and wonderful. And, I want to have more. I am ready to have someone there, have someone who knows me like my friends, and has that little something extra. I wonder when I will make my way to that place in my life.

review (life/teaching)

Some days have a bit more static than others...making them hard to categorize. I'm a little caught up in my technical difficulties, family transitions, midterm anxiety, and sudden lack of a specific crush (which I had for years). But, there were also so many good things.

I got to watch one of my students tell his mother he was student of the month. He was so excited and his mother was so proud. He has worked so hard and come so far. I am so proud of him.

My class went to the impromptu multicultural museum in the school library. The artifacts were all from the students in the school. We talked about straws from Argentina, hair straighteners from Africa, pyramids from Egypt, dolls from Ecuador, bangles from Bangladesh, and money from all over the world. The students were so excited to tell me about something they knew about from their home--I loved it.

And, I finally figured out how to keep track of the notes I take when the kids read and write. That only took 1.5 years. I've been liberated from post-it take over.

The technical difficulties really has me sad. And, I might be many hundreds of dollars poorer. The people at Apple say I cracked my LCD through excessive force. I say I treated my iBook like it was my baby and excessive force is unlikely. I wonder if the Logic Board problems of iBooks of yore have returned. I'm very sad about all of this sick iBook stuff.

I'm trying to deal with the midterm and lack of crush thing by studying and watching Sex and the City--simultaneously. Well see how this works out.