Crying

I am not a crier. However, when it does happen, it is typically a public event. Today that event was a read-aloud. My 5th graders and I were using the last 20 minutes of our reading time to finish a book we began yesterday. It was one by my favorite author, Patricia Polacco, and I should have known. I only read her books aloud a few times a year because her writing so perfectly captures emotion that moves me.

The Christmas Tapestry, today's book, was a perfect blending of sadness and hope. Perhaps based on an amazing true story, I began to tear up when I learned that the woman from the bus stop had been separated from her family by the Nazis. I looked around the table and 8 little boys looked at me with some confusion. The 2 girls were more supportive. One boy asked, "Are you crying?" I then explained a little bit of history and the children seemed to understand.

The crying continued (read: really began to roll) when there was a wonderful twist of fate that I will not ruin for you. At that point, one boy slowly hid his face inside the top of his shirt. Another one could no longer look at me. But, one was sharing a cry with me. And, for the first time that morning, they were all focused on something other than vacation. It was a very good day.

Moments in teaching

Today I had a visit from a school psychologist who was in my classroom to observe a student. Of course, as with any visit into the classroom, there was an element of observing me as well. My students were not operating at their best. 

The lesson became a rapid fire rotation of my greatest hits. Some reminders about not taking away other people's chance to learn. Jokes about calling student A by student B's name because they were answering when I said "student B". Side conversations about where my eyes were pointed and reminders that if I'm not looking at you, I'm listening to someone else. 

There was even a moment when I felt my eyes get big - which many of my students know as my what are you thinking look. They were not exactly on fire. 

We finished up with some confusion about the start time for P.E. and then they fled the classroom in quite a flutter of movement for a small group of kids. 

The woman who was visiting seemed to think it was a great lesson. I set her straight and told her it was far from our best. The good thing about teaching is that I always have tomorrow! 

Year #5

I am now a few weeks into my school year and 4 days into actually teaching my students. It has been filled with the normal highs and lows, questioning almost everything (student placement, my approach, etc. etc.), and happiness to be around the students again. All in all, I felt that everything was kind of going along in that normal start of the school year manner.

Then, around 9:25, something stopped me in my tracks. I was in another teacher's classroom, teaching a small group of children, when it became obvious that one of the student's was having a problem. He's a snorter of snot. After directing him to get a tissue, it became obvious that getting at tissue and knowing what to do with a tissue were divergent pieces of knowledge. As I was figuring this out, the snorting was quickly moving from amazingly loud to fear inducing. He then announced that water was coming out of his nose. This whole experience caused me to lose my teacher-persona momentarily.

You see, I have have previously had a run-in with snot while teaching. There was a sneeze, a multi-inch long stalactite of booger, and a look pleading for help. Today's booger run-in caused me to flashback to that horrible image that has been permanently etched in my mind. I eventually composed myself and continued teaching. At the end of the day, I needed to go back and talk to the teacher and apologize for my lack of professionalism. Once I told her about the other snotty run-in, she understood.

bad day at work

i had a bad day at work. really it was just a bad moment. it was such a bad moment that i put it out of my mind until my walk to ralphs for some emergency milk for tomorrow's coffee. it was a moment of teacher unethical behavior. those are the moments that resonate with me for the longest time. unfortunately, it was not the first time i've seen unethical behavior from a teacher.

really, at some point, a teacher needs to stop teaching. it is a hard job. you are responsible for the minds, bodies and souls of little children for a huge portion of their day. and, these kids are expected to know what the square root of 64 times three to the third power is when they are 8 years old. it's a lot. at some point, i think a teacher stops being effective. they are tired. they are old-school (literally). they cover their own ass rather than fill the minds of children. why spend your time in a classroom if you are not going to even try?

since i began teaching, i always said that i hope i will recognize the point when it is no longer the job i should be doing. i wish there was a way for some people to bow out gracefully, before legions of children are exposed to an ineffective year of art projects and beanie babies.

I may need summer

Teaching can sometimes a little overwhelming. I get caught up in the fear that I could be doing something else to make the educational process more enriching. Or, I become frustrated by the realities of my students. Today some of those things are happening. I think it's mostly because I'm closing in on day 180. Although 180 days does not seem like much. Right now 180 teaching days is feeling like whole lot. At the end, it always does.

I'm going to count the days I have left. It may make it worse. But, I'm feeling compelled.

Oh, State Testing

Due to my own misguided planning and the fact that I work with students in first, second, third, fourth and fifth grades, I have just finished the my third week of (high-stakes/these numbers will follow you for life) testing. That's 14 instructional days devoted to filling in the bubbles. My students have been troopers. Fueled by a steady stream of Cheerios and water breaks, they really gave it their all. Each day, their behavior has been getting a little bit more wonky. I've had lots of odd noises, chit-chat, and repeated questions about the schedule.

They knew today was the last day and they were totally wiggly when I asked them to take a seat. Their engines were on high. I knew that it was not the kind of ya-yas that could be gotten out with my typical combination of jumping jacks and standing yoga poses.

So we took off for the track. Half way there, I began to jog and all of my well-trained students did what I did.

I engaged my best elementary appropriate trash talk (i.e. I'm gonna smoke ya! You're being beaten by an old person) and kept running. After two laps around (except for one boy who made it around three times), their engines were all significantly decelerated and we got down to business.

I'm thinking of giving everyone a 100% on tomorrow's spelling test just so I don't have to give any more tests this week. As the teacher, that is way in my jurisdiction.

little flower

One of the students I work with brought me a tiny, yellow flower after school today. It was smaller than the button on my shirt. This tiny girl, with her cute glasses and little yellow flower, totally made my day.

Sick

Yesterday I was talking about how good my immune system is...4 years around the under 10 crowd and you've basically come into contact with everything that there is.

So, karma being what it is, a mere 24 hours after that proclamation, I'm sick. [I was saying this, for no good reason really, to my mother who has been sick for 3 weeks--hence karma].

Today, I sent three children home from school. Two possible pink eyes (really I think it was probably only one w/ the conjunctivitis...but, you must be safe). One with a bad case of malaise and a story of waking up at 1 a.m. with an ear ache. I also had a contingency of stay in school sickness--the whole body sneezer, the muscle/joint aches, and the whole body sneezer again. My classroom was/is a hot bed for viral infection. Despite all of my hand washing and use of clorox wipes, it seems the little stinkers got me.

P.S. This is my 400th blog post is the 3 years of life as i know it. Maybe I'll celebrate by upping the blogs per month average.

Hazards of the Job

or Infectious Children

Today, the following things happened
•One child was sent home with lice
•One child was sent home because she threw up
•One child sneezed on my head. This child continued to sneeze in a body forward/half bent way all day; he never really got the hang of tissues
•One child said, "I have a cold." Someone else responded with, "Me too."
•One child said, "I don't feel good."

I think the germs are out to get me.

30 minutes in the life of a teacher

Today had a bump, a hiccup, a long stretch of minutes that I feel may only be able to happen in the world of a teacher. This is not an exaggeration.

9:45-other teacher tells me to call my supervisor about a class placement I thought was a go.
9:56-school psychologist tells me that the folks in the district office think afore mentioned placement is not the best. Unfortunately, I had told the parents about this great arrangement last week...right after the school psychologist suggested the arrangement and said she thought it would be the best possible thing to do for the student.
10:01-my student who needs recess the most missed recess because he was in a meeting. I see him walking in the opposite direction of my classroom. I think he is crying.
10:02-talk with the person he was in the meeting with and find out he was super resistant to the idea of talking with someone. She doesn't know where he went.
10:03-called to try to find him in another classroom...oh, he's in his on his way over.
10:05-nose bleed
10:06-missing boy is back. Engaged in high power negotiation about what happens when someone misses recess, why it's not my job to find him when he is with another teacher and tell her he needs to go to recess, why you can't just go play now, and how to talk to someone instead of shaking with anger.
10:10-reminded the children working that it was time to finish with their independent work and move to the next activity.
10:10 1/4-missing boy is on the floor. He's upset.
10:10 1/2-nose bleed has become a gusher, escort to office arranged.
10:12-principal passes, I ask her to come in to talk to the upset boy.
10:13-hazard waste clean-up.
10:14-reminded everyone to put their papers in their folders not just shoved into their cubby.
10:15-I'm shaky. It's time to read Patricia Polacco. I need some Aunt Chip and the Great Triple Creek Dam Affair.

So, now, at 7:44, I'm in my pajamas. And I had ice cream. It was $1 scoop Tuesday.

One more day

While sitting in my staff meeting, after school and a very trick phone call, I told my colleague that I felt like I had been run over by a steamroller. She told me that that I used good descriptive language.

That is a comment only a teacher would make.

Now, I'm going to get Thai food for dinner...because I'm still feeling effected by the steamroller.

History

Right around this time, 50 years ago, nine high school students faced a sea of angry people and integrated the schools in Little Rock. I think the first time I learned about the Little Rock Nine was when I was in 5th grade, and all of the classes in my school spent a week watching Eyes on the Prize, a documentary about the nonviolent aspect of the Civil Rights Movement. I always think of that documentary as one of the most shaping experiences of my education.

More recently, I learned about some of the other events that shaped the Civil Rights Movement while watching another documentary. This time, the movie was shown to my graduate school class, and it talked about the Children's March. Until that time, I had not known of the children who forced Birmingham to integrate. These were the children the fire hoses were turned on. The children that the dogs chased. And, it was all so they could receive the education that they wanted.

I always wonder if I am doing enough to teach my students about the history that shapes each of their lives. Wonder if I am doing anything to really promote social justice? Struggle with the fact that I may be perpetuating some part of the myth of "separate but equal" in my position as a special educator. Those are issues I am not sure if I will ever come to terms with....

After school, when I learned that yesterday was the 50th anniversary of that famous day of school, I spent time trying to find things that might help my students understand the history they have inherited. But, this is proving to be more difficult than I had hoped. I am going to have to explain this to them in some way. They should know what has happened before them. I am the one who is supposed to teach them.

I'm awake

It's 5:51. I'm awake. On purpose. Summer is over.

Precocious Parents

Yesterday I talked to a mom who wanted to subject her 2 year old to flash cards and was concerned that the baby couldn't sit through a whole book. I thought that the first one was not a good idea and the second one was developmentally appropriate. Then I told her about matching bears and felt like I'd done my teacherly service.

Today I learned that American Idol is better than Baby Einstein for the little guys. The Baby Einstein lady was one of the people to get pointed out and applause at the last State of the Union. Does this mean Simon will have to be invited next?

Interview No. 2

Although I have a job, I had set up another interview while I was in NY and I decided to keep my options open. Today's interview was with a very different type of school. It was less in line with my idea of education as social justice...more in line with my desire to become a teacher who has resources out the wazoo.

I thought that I would be happy or excited or without stress now that the interview is over. But, I don't feel those things. I feel more conflicted than before. Boo.

School

I have just accepted a job in a school with a supply closet. I will have paper clips, markers, paper, and bulletin board paper waiting for me to use on an as needed basis! My new principal told me to tell her what I needed and she would get it for me. No more paying for paper and needing a classroom patron to supply post-its!

Seriously though, I have a classroom again. I can go in and create my little classroom universe soon. My shark dissection model and musical instruments will have a home again. And, I will have students. I can't wait to meet them.

End of the Year Party

Today, my class and I had a discussion about our end of the year party. Each of my students came up with three things that could be a part of our "Perfect End of the Year Party." My personal favorites were: balloon party (despite my slight fear of balloons), sleep party-2 votes, and big cake. After the brainstorming, we matched, re-grouped and came up with our final party plan.

Next Tuesday, we will have a 3 period party. 7th period will be the food portion of our party. We'll be enjoying pizza and ice cream. 8th period will be the dance party/play time. We will live it up, dancing our way to our 37 1/2 minute portion of the party. [For those of you who are not used to dealing with my employers, I have a 37 1/2 minute portion of each day between Monday and Thursday. This is when I am supposed to provide targeted academic support.] Next Tuesday, we'll be enjoying 37 1/2 minutes of movie and rest. It will be our rest period of the party. I think all elementary school parties should have rest periods.

End of Year Award

Tomorrow, my class will have an awards ceremony. I have been having difficulty figuring out what to give as awards. I had a 4th grade trauma--I got the "no more tears" award because I cried each day and my teacher wanted me to stop crying (as a teacher, I now realize she probably hated me).

More importantly, I feel like the whole concept of competitive awards for a nine year old can be a little damaging. I am a little against the whole judgment aspect. I don't want to call one of my students the best at something, causing someone else to feel like their efforts are less-than. I know that sounds a little post-modern parent--but their little faces will just break your heart.

I have to figure out 2 awards for each student. This is like choosing your favorite child. Impossible.

English Language Learners

My life is filled with multi-lingual people. The majority of my students speak another language at home. I live in a place where the boat that a person is fresh off of docks. I hear more languages than I can place on my mile walk to the subway. It's my anthropological dream.

Being surrounded by so many who are at different stages of learning English often brings unexpected dialogue to my world. I was supposed to meet my landlord's son at my apartment after school. I ran into him as he was leaving. I told him that I was sorry I missed him, he replied, "I miss you, too." Such a sweet sentiment kind of misdirected.

Prior to the missing conversation, my student had a more difficult moment with the nuance of language. While he was waiting for the bus, saw me as I returned to the lunchroom and shouted, "She kicked me in the [insert word for a part that is normally covered by a bathing suit]!" He quickly repeated it to anyone who would listen. I then looked at the guidance counselor and said, "You have this one, right?" Then my student gave me a hug goodbye and sat down for a little conversation about the words you can use in school and the ones you cannot.

Done

I've finished. My thesis is written. My poster is (somewhat obsessively) arranged. I've rediscovered artist spray mount and only had a minor misfire mishap. I'm done.

Really done.

Three years of teaching. 48 credits of all sorts of classes. One very big thesis. And, now I'm done. I'm entitled to a new degree. I am eligible for my credentials to teach.

As I type I am so mindful of the fact that all of those things seem less important than the fact that I've found something that has changed my world. I am now a teacher. I know this because I am overcome with joy at the fact that one of my students moved from the beginning of first grade reading to the end of second grade over the course of this year. ...because the handwritten cards I get become my treasures. ...and because of so many other reasons, too many to write here.

While I'm happy that I've fulfilled my requirements for my Masters of Science of Education. I am so excited for the time I will spend learning my craft. I think it will take a lifetime.